Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize