i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
