I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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