Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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