Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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