So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
