Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
