How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
