I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
