look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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