Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
