i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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