It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
