Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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