Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
