Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
