so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
