i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Randomize
