remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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