she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
