she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
there is puke in my bra ... again
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
