I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize