Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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