Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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