well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
