Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
