Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
