Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
