Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
we're so committed to being not committed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
