I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
