After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
