There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
