just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
