I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
