there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
