my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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