I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
