Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
