and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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