Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
