he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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