if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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