just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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