I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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