just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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