His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
