just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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