There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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