idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
should my penis look like a turkey
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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