You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
my liver is dry heaving
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
