i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
