What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
