Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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