There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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