Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
no you cant smoke seaweed
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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