Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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