We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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