Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
