i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
