If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
