He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
