I CAN MOONWALK!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
