I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
