So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
