Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
