I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
