i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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