ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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