I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
